Lunatic
by mradrz4evr
Summary: Before I ever read the books, I created my own interpretation of Twilight from Edward's point of view. The result? Well....you judge that one for yourself.


LUNA(TIC)

A far better informed coulda woulda (shoulda?) story by mradrz4evr

(who's still quite badly informed, so please forgive me!)

Things at Forks School were quiet at best. And that was at best. Best never really happened, just so you know. Not for Edward anyway. Glaring up at the ceiling in the lunchroom, he twiddled his thumbs, mind on what it usually thought of. When he was thinking about what other people were thinking because he usually knew what they were thinking. (condensed explanation)

_"I',m, too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car, too sexy by far..." _He thought happily. But even after a while his own hotness got old. Bored, he began going around the room to observe the usual suspects.

Tyler was sitting at the end of a table, staring at his apple with bland concentration. "Hmmm," Edward thought pleasantly. "Lets have a looksee..."

_"Must get girl, blue-collar job, espn network and SUV before I die..."_

"Boring," Edward muttered, looking over at an intensely staring Mike.

_"He's, too sexy for my party, too sexy for my party, no way he's..."_

"Urk," he choked sharply, eyes wide with panic. Alice gave him a sharp look.

"Eddie? You alright? You didn't eat anything, did you?"

"No, I'm fine." Scanning the room once more, he spotted a pair of brown eyes entranced in his from another table. Beautiful, liquid brown eyes. Surrounded by flowing, long brown hair.

"Hmm..." Edward hummed happily. "This could be interesting!" Eagerness renewed, he tried hard to listen. Yet something was different.

_"Well you know she's so much prettier than I am but totally quiet so that, like, should be no problem, right? I mean, nbd times three!"_

"Jessica!" he growled, mind aching from the incessant chatter.

_"But Mike totally likes her, and that could be bad- I mean, who's going to ask me to prom if not Mike? He, me, we, us, Mrs. Mike, like, totally!"_

"I dunno about that..." Edward murmured aloud. This time Jasper looked at him funny. Jasper, much as the Cullens might have accepted him, has not fallen in the E-man's favor. In fact, while having family dinner(?), it was Edward's long standing habit to question his compadre of how the selected wild animal "in your long and illustrious experience of sucking the life out of, _obviously,_ non-human life forms, tastes." But the guy did creep him out enough, and even he knew that if there was any funny business, Emmet could still beat the living (dead) daylights out of him. Quieting up, Edward stared off into the distance once more. "How can I not read her mind?"

But things could only get worse. As I said earlier, you aren't getting better anytime soon, right?

Time passed slowly that afternoon. Edward spent the better part of English working on his various looks. Today it was the "I'm bored but secretly harboring a passionate desire for love" look. He figured it might come in handy some day. Strolling into the classroom, he slid into a chair gracefully, looking at his perpetually .891 inch fingernails. Until it hit him like a ton of bricks.

Tastylicious bricks.

_"Oh, what a waft!"_ He thought, icicles beginning to form on the roof of his mouth. _"It's like...like...freesia! Wait- why the heck should flowers taste good?" _Jerking his head toward the smell as that revelation dissolved in a frenzy of incoming bliss, he spotted the eyes once more. Widening at the sight of him, the girl turned her head, letting hair fall down over one side of her face. The heater turned off. The entire class gave a collective shiver, then started working once more. Brow furrowed, Edward looked pointedly at the girl. _"Crap. Now Yummy..I mean, that new girl, is out of my highly receptive scent glands." _Sighing, he put on his newly acquired face, eyes fixed into nothingness.

Then, things got interesting.

"Sigh..." the girl sighed, tossing her hair. A whoosh of mouthwateringness tickled Edward's flawless nose. "Erm..."

"Huh.?"

"Hey, Jessica, does my hair smell like strawberries?" she asked, a note of frantic-ness on her voice. To Edward's pleased horror, the girl began thrashing her hair about, running her pale fingers through it. Jessica's thoughts sharply arose.

_"Ohmigosh, like, she totally has the hair too."_

But it wasn't her hair that had young (not exactly) Edward beguiled.

"Now? How about now? Here?" she questioned Jessica, head now shaking furiously. His vision quickly glowing blurry, Edward could only remember dropping to the floor, a feminine sigh escaping his lips.

_"Edward, no!" _the teacher thought.

_"Edward? No." _Jessica thought.

_"He's like a model, ya know what I mean..." _Mike thought mournfully. Shutting his eyes, Edward went limp on the floor. Voices around him, present and loud, were muffled somehow. Keeping his fainted victim pose for the next few hours was difficult, but when he finally opened his topaz eyes in the nurse's office, it was all worth it.

Well, sort of.

"Edward, right? Hi- I'm Bella. I'm new here." a light, melancholy voice said. Turning his head, Edward spotted her in the corner. He also noticed a fan blowing directly toward Bellas face, positioned beside the door.

"Bella?"

"Sorry about the fan. The nurse said that I need to better acclimate to the pacific northwest, and the best way is to blow cold air perpetually in my direction. Not yours. Crazy, huh?" she laughed darkly. Relief cloaking his disappointment, Edward sat up straight in the cot, his well-practiced oh-what-now? look smiling brilliantly at Bella. Her bedazzled expression was obvious to see.

"Yes, quite crazy," he replied evenly.

"But that's not the only reason I'm here," she sighed, baleful gaze falling on Edward. "I think my strawberry-scented hair might have made you faint. I don't know what's wrong. Frankly, Mike likes it. He's sniffing my hair all the time."

"That could explain a couple things," Edward muttered darkly.

"What was that?" Bella questioned innocently. As she looked endearingly at him, a thought crossed his mind.

_"A lamb. She's like a frail, innocent lamb."_

"Baah."

"What?" Edward exclaimed, collected expression replaced by moderate horror.

"What?"

"Oh. Nothing."

"Sorry. I thought you just roared at me!" Bella laughed.

"Heheh. Yeah. Like that could ever happen," Edward chuckled uncertainly.

"Well," she said more softly, eyes seeming to cling to Edward's, "I have a few classes still to go to. Brr...cold fan. Anyway...see you around." As she turned off the fan and walked briskly out the door, he caught a short waft of her wonderful scent once again. Dumbstruck, Edward stood up in the room, gaze somewhere far away from the rest of the world.

_"Of three things I am positive," _he thought dreamily. _"First, Bella is definitely not a vampire. Pretty hot though. Second, I thirst for her blood. Might be a bit of an issue, come to think of it. And third," _Edward sighed, an empty yet wonderful feeling spreading through him. _"I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with her."_


End file.
